Thursday, October 28, 2010

moms - i m coming home


  So much has changed from August 9th when I had to fly out of Raleigh. It killed me inside to watch her leave at the airport. I was contemplating not boarding the flight at all... but then I am here for a purpose and have to finish it. Eversince I landed in Texas my heart was longing to go back to Raleigh. Go back to my home in America. The conditions when I left Raleigh back in August took turns and twisted into different set of situations in October. Irrespective of the situation I was happy to be there. What was planned as a surprise visit to her... came crashing down in one moment of weakness. I told her that I am coming home 2 days before arrival! I had held it in for a month or so and the last 2 days I couldn't hold it in. Got blasted nicely from Divya and Pavan for that. If it still remained a surprise as per plan, then I d have got to see her face light up when I would meet her on Friday evening. I wonder how she would have reacted. Would she hug me and break down ? or would she be so happy that she'll shout at me for coming all the way! That will still remain a mystery coz I blew perhaps the only chance of the element of surprise. Anyway, on October 22nd I got to see her face - in person. Quite a site it was. She seems to have come out slowly, although there is a long way to go I noticed that she is giving herself a chance and not closing off. I cannot describe how happy I was just landing in Raleigh! I came out of the airport and there she came driving. For a moment there it didn't sink in that I am in Raleigh... couple of minutes out of the airport during the drive I was like: "Shit! I am in Raleigh!" I couldn't stop smiling. I wanted to scream, yell and wohoo my heart out. But like a gentleman I sat there calm and quiet.

  Swaroop had earlier forwarded me a trip plan for the weekend. But frankly, I didn't care that much. All that mattered was that I was there... around friends. She dropped me off at home and left for the office to return in the evening. I sat there just like that thinking. What a life we could have had! Me loofy-goofy and you incharge. At that moment I so wanted to hug you moms... wanted to speak to you or atleast a hifi! I even took the mandolin and played ur signature tune... hoping u'll hear and respond in some way. But you chose to keep quiet. Any way, 2 hours later she came home... and thus started the most memorable, sweet 4 days of this year. It doesn't matter what I did those 4 days. It doesn't matter were I went. All that mattered was that I was with her or she was with me. Somehow the time seemed to pass - looking at her smile, pulling her leg whenever possible, going to the balcony with a coffee mug in hand telling her that "I m calling home" but in actuality I was sobbing turning away. Oh ya! I bought this gift for her birthday. I purchased it somewhere around Septembe 20th. It was a algae-green codroi coat. I loved it! But unfortunately, I seemed to have bought one size bigger. Typical me ... can't do nothin without such goof-ups. She liked it ... but has to get it exchanged for a smaller size. I am just glad she liked my selection.

  I was so darn excited that I couldn't sleep on Friday night (partly because I had to finish something) I sat there thinking about the present and how things have turned from August to October. I also started thinking about the current change and how it is going to affect my life, our friendship and the next year of my life in the US. Nothing is certain moms, but one thing is... she has found herself again.

until next time,

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