When is the house you live in called a home ? what defines a home ?
is it the size in terms of sqft ? is it the open spaces ? is it the gardens inside ? or is a home defined by the people that live in ?
I am so tempted to agree that a home is defined by anything other than the people living in it. Well i like to call a structure which expresses something about the tastes of the people who live in as a home. I'll tell you in detail ... a home for me should have ample natural light coming in ... no noises ... may be the sound of a bird or two ... an open terrace from which i can see more trees ... the sun-rise and at night the starry skies.
I should wake up to the sun-light falling directly on my bed ... and to the smell of incense sticks from which i learn that my mother is performing her morning prayers ... and also to the feeble tape recorder which plays a tape of Suprbhatam sung by the great Bharat Ratna M S Subbalakshmi. I wake up to find my mother yelling at me ... about my total lack of timeliness ... and when i come out of my room yawning away to glory ... i can see my dad sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and giving a faint smile at the mother yelling routine. That will be my perfect morning in a perfect home ... in a perfect city.
Naturally, my quest will be to search for such perfect place to realise that home in my life time. Fortunately for me I don't have to look that far, Bangalore which is the city i live in provides such good places which u may want to call home. I have a job which is the finance ... and i have my determined self ... i have the support of my parents ... i got everything in place to have many perfect mornings like i have described earlier ... or do I ?
What do u do when the 2 people who are like your eyes can't stand each other ... what do u do when one of your eyes bleeds so much that i cannot be stopped ... what do u do when the whole atmosphere of the "home" is spoilt by that one person whom i am supposed to look up to in bad times ? what do u do when every situation you are in today can be linked to that one person and that person's choices, decisions and behavior ?
Quite a paradox isn't it ? That is my situation ... today. All that is motivating me to move on in the direction i want to came down crashing. A Happy New Year to me! and for what ? I don't know what i have done to deserve this ... don't know what is the reason behind the chaos that's going on in one person's mind. Why does that person negatively charged so much that everything looks like a conspiracy ... I am not able to lead a social life because of that one person. I think twice to invite anybody to my home ... even my own sister. I think a hundred times before planning any family trips - picnics and vacation. hell ... i even think a zillion times before starting a casual conversation for i am scared the conversation will turn into verbal violence and high decibel levels!
I made the mistake of partly sharing my situation with some one ... that some one said "Go out of the country for a couple of years ... u'll get a change" some one else said ... "this sticky situation will continue until one of the wicket is down." Well i have made a decision ... i am not abandoning ship. I will do all i can in my power to make my house a home. I don't know if it will even be possible in this life time ... but i can try. I am trying to change the mind which is cancered with god knows what from the past 35 years.