Monday, February 28, 2011

7 days


    One tough and strenuous week of preparation juggling between a mid-term, 2 assignments, and the most important internship interview ever. This is one week I'll never forget. Started off with Swaroop's birthday bash last weekend. Met her and swaroop after like a month and a half or more. That's one of the reasons I even went to Cary :) Anyway, there we were sitting around doing nothing at Swaroop's place and I get an email from NetApp regarding an interview schedule. I was excited. This is the company you had been talking to me about while you were in Bangalore and after you came to NCSU. I finally have a chance to interview for an intern position at NetApp. I was not so excited when I got a call from Microsoft. But there is something about NetApp that attracts me. I don't know what it is yet completely. But I am determined to find out. I am confident about my interviews today. I would hire me as an intern. I have all they are looking for and more. I hope that fumble in the last interview didn't cost me much.

    This week is very memorable in many ways. I didn't know that I could handle those many parellel tasks. It was a good routine that I practiced. Although it has left me drained and saturated, I am happy that I had to go through it. This week ended just as interesting as it started. On the way back to the airport, we had a nice serious conversation. I kinda saw it coming. I am so glad that I am on the receiving end of such serious stuff. I must have done something right (or wrong). Since I have a mid-term tomorrow, we couldn't dive deep into the topic. I was briefly told ... and the rest is ... well, just feel. I got the feel. After my exam tomorrow (for which I am not studying right now) I should be able to concentrate more on completing the talk. Don't want no open ended discussions see. All in all moms, it was a very very good week. I sincerely wish NetApp brings me on board this Summer. I've got some ideas already :)

will talk to you later,

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Paradox - more than just a word.


    As days go by, I find myself better understanding the paradox of my life. 5 years ago, by this time we had completed a lot of things. I think you were into vmware. Preetu, you and Pavan got into Cognizant. I was selected in Wipro. I think you and veda had just started. I think this was the start of the 8th semester where you were interning with Cisco, Preetu was interning with IBM, me n Pavan were at home doing 8th sem project (respectively :) I think this was one of the semesters where we had maximum walk the talks. I think all of them around RR Nagar area. This was also the semester of realisations. You realised how much you are not suitable for a development job ... how many nights you spent learning up python for a scripting tool you wrote in Cisco! Preeth realised how much he hates IBM AIX. Also, he seemed to realise that Vidya's the one for him and soon change minds and say its over!

    Those walks is what I love the most. Although we wouldn't actually walk and talk ... those sessions somehow got the name walk the talk. Probably because we kept walking from one chat place to another :P Till now I didn't understand what was the trigger behind the talks, but somehow after having cutlet chat, and a burger we were in some philosophical topic or another. As usual, I used to be the wonderful listener ... pretending to be passive but inside want to listen to every word that's spoken. Somehow I had it etched in my mind that - i make a moo point. Even though I pretended that I had enough of the talk ... and looked at the world around (aka. bird watching) I secretely enjoyed it. I relived everymoment of the conversation soon after we left for our respective houses and smiled. Those conversations always gave me company. Hence I never felt alone. At a point in time, I kinda felt I had enough of these looong talks. Coz I felt most of the time they didn't lead anywhere. Its like you talk and talk until one of us feels the need to go home. I was so ignorant of the fact that those times and moments were spent with 3 of the most favorite people of my life. I was so naive that I couldn't even recognise the amount of feel good factor that came when we talked. Just being a passive listener to most of the looong life changing talks that we had, I had so much feel good about myself and my life. I can only imagine how good I would have felt and how much I would have changed had I actively participated in the discussions.

5 years hence, I sit at a library at one of the universities I never even remotely thought I would end up in, in a country I thought I'd never be able to visit - Paradox number 1. My house is a good 20 minutes walk from the library (or the classrooms). Each day I walk home even though there is a good bus service. I walk home because, the path home is nice. It gives me time to think. It gives me time with myself. I walk home because, that's when I retrospect. I walk home because, that's when I feel I want to talk to you the most. I want to talk about a lot of things that have changed and how I have changed. I want to talk about how situations present themselves to me and how I dealt with them (or blissfully ignored them). I want to talk about this new thing I found out about. I want to talk about that new dish I cooked and would love for you to taste it. I want to generally talk trash for a long time and feel good at the end of it. I walk home trying to do all these. I walk alone - Paradox number 2. I thought I was kidding when I told you guys: "stuff happens very late with me. I realise or understand or come up with some improved version after a definite time lag. That lag is greater than each of you." Little did I know that this is how I work! I realise a lot of things about us and our past and how I could have done something and didn't. I immediately pick up my phone and dial your number. You can't pick my calls now. Paradox number 3. All my life I've been in the company of some amazing people. Until engineering I had my sister and mother as good friends. Engineering onwards, you came along. Amidst all of you, I thought it'll be cool to say that I like being alone! I went to trips alone. I went to bike rides alone (of course, those are apart from what we went to), I went to movies alone. Little did I realise that isolating oneself temporarily is not called being alone. And now that I have come to understand what being alone means, I don't want to be alone. Just the feeling of lonliness gives me a chill. All I can do about it is to stomach it.

"Solitude is the company of a virtuous few." I kinda liked this as a punchline. Now that I know what Solitude truly means, I don't want to be one of the virtuous few. I want to be the normal un-virtuous fellow who claims to be alone but can't. Paradox number 4. I wish I didn't have to learn this way. I wish I realised the value of what I had with me back in 2008. I wish I had done well in that EMC interview I was called for on July 09th 2006. I wish I had come along with you on July 23rd 2008. I wish I was your room-mate in the US. I wish I was with you. Enough wishing .... I just want you.


Friday, February 18, 2011

ಎದ್ದೇಳು ಮಂಜುನಾಥ!


    This was long overdue! I have not written to you in a long time! Lot of things have changed. For a start, it didn't work out. May be it wasn't meant to be. What ever circle completion stuff I told you about ... didn't materialize. However, if you think in another perspective ... the circle is still complete. If you think it isn't complete it isn't - and otherwise. It took one person a quite an amount of energy and effort to make me understand that. I finally understood a lot of things. One of the most important things is that: One is always in need of a perspective. The lack of a certain perspective on something, makes one go mad in the head. But once one understands that particular perspective, everything is as right as rain.

    Our little foursome group - I always pictured it to be a square with diagonals. Later I changed its visualization to a triangle - with a center that is connected to the vertices. That center is you. You held us together. I dono wat preeth and poms say, but I think you held it together even when you moved to US. I kept thinking as to what is it that brings us 4 together. I thought it was the love for food, climbing mountains, etc. But I am wrong. What holds us together is you. The others were mere materialistic reasons. It is with you that I want to climb any mountain possible. It is beside you that I want to ride to the highest motarable place possible. It is with you that I want to stand at Goeche La pass and wonder how many miles away is Mt. Kanchenjunga. It is with you that I want to stand on the beach and watch all the sunsets. Remember our biking trips to Shivu ?? well ... I want to do that with no one but you.

    When I first booked my tickets to Raleigh ... I wished that you'd come to the airport. We'd head home and you'd show me around NCSU ... especially all the places you told me about over the phone. Then we'd sit and have a loooong chat about life and why the heck did I, you, and the others come to the US in the first place. It wouldn't have bothered me much if we didn't go for a trip ... as long as we get to spend some time together. I think we most definitely would have had a session about how to convince your father-in-law. On and on I can go for ages !!! I still did come to Raleigh as planned. I still did go home. I didn't feel something missing. Didn't get that sinking feeling. Science may not agree, but I think you're there with me. Of course I can't slap you or hug you or reply to ur typical "karun" questions ... but you're always there. You always will be. For me ... you are still in some distant land where I have to take a looong leave to get to. You're there waiting for me. Waiting to be woken up by me ... just like old times. I'll get there moms ... and I will wake you  up. You better wake up soon.

+ Chetan

RTP Calling !!!


    Summer 2011 ... I definitely want to spend in RTP. I think it'll happen, provided I don't screw up the interviews. Yes. I got a call from NetApp ... resume's through! I got the mail now. Very happy and excited. If this is through! then ... one step closer to what I wished for.

+ Chetan