yeno miss hoditaayide...

Ever had that feeling that u are missing something ? I have it every day as soon as i am awake, when i m brushing my teeth, when i m having breakfast, and especially when i am riding my bike. Its just this feeling of being lost. I look around when that happens. I still got my friends, family around me but there is this gap which i am not able to fill.

Hours of aatma chintane (asking question to self) gives nothing. The buck is just passed on from one context to another. Some times i try to zero in on the possible gaps - and i hold work load responsible. If that's the reason then there is a simple remedy - trekkin!! But that's not it because i am working with a new team right now and the work load is not that demanding. Still that feeling of being lost follows me everywhere.

I thought i am not doing what i am passionate about then again, i am part of a theatre team which is doing a come back show next week. I remember very well i enjoyed being part of that team and giving performances more than anything. Now after 3 years i am going back on stage doing what i like very much ... still that feeling of being lost is impressed on some corner of my mind. It shows up quite frequently.

Can it be that my mind is idle and its thinking too much - in the wrong direction ? or can it be that i am actually missing something ? Or is it that i am taking some dream that i had (god knows when) very seriously ? do I hate anyone in office ? do I not like my job ? am not addressing any of my responsibilities ? or is it that i am not sleeping much ? such questions haunt (i tried to find a better word ... but that's my situation) me all the time. I suddenly feel like that boy who could see dead people!

Bieng "moms"

    Back in college I was most of the time only listening to some of the serious discussions that happen amongst friends. The context of the discussion can be anything - from relationships to opinions, confused state of minds, etc, etc ... Normally some of my friends used to do all the talking (with content though) and i used to be passive participant of any such discussions. May be because I didn't know what to speak or I didn't read as many books as they did so as to recollect something and speak.

   Now i think the times have changed. Today (25th February 2009) I played an active part in a rather serious discussion. I got to be "moms" ... for those of you who are confused "moms" is a term we use to address a best friend. There is a lot of emotion attached in the tone we use that word in. Just the tone you say it in conveys a lot of emotions like anger, frustration, agreement, etc, etc, Any way, coming back to me being "moms" ... one of my friends was feeling a lot down today ... so what did i do ? I stepped up to the occassion and spoke to that person. 

   We went to a place where we can sit down and then i listened (dono if i listened intently)  to what my friend had to say. I was initialy confused about what to say as i was clueless how to react. I took my time, and then started being "moms" - Basically her (alright it was a she) problem was frustration with some of the latest happenings.  So i started off by saying "leave office at office and go home being urself" although I myself didn't understand it! ... but then i started stepping in her shoes and tried out something.

   I had read an article which suggests ppl to remember something good about themselves before going to bed. This makes them to be filled with positive attitude and removes all the negative and bad thoughts filled in their minds in a days due course. The memory can be anything happy. It can be an instance which made you smile, laugh, proud, etc. So i told this person to go home and read some of the Orkut testimonials written for her. Soon i noticed a hint of frown reducing from her face. Then i went on ... "have a look at your college snaps with buddies recollect your happy moments - basically go to a happy place." No sooner i was done making this statement i noticed that the frown had completely dissappeared! it had become a smile! That's when it struck me - I had actually imparted some wisdom. Now i could see the face what "moms" did when my friends spoke to me similarly in the past.

  Trust me! its a great feeling. When u manage to get a smile on someone's face without even cracking a single joke! Its hard ... but totally worth it. In the end when I dropped her off at her place, I was feeling good about myself - that I was able to spread some joy and share some thoughts which are non-technical and made sense. On my way over to my place ... i was thinking about all those ppl and articles that have positively influenced me (there are others who influenced me otherwise also but let's not get into that now). So what's my conclusion - read a lot and observe situations a lot coz you never know when they may come handy. In the end - a biiig thank you to all "moms" 

    Man! this is one senti blog I think ... don't worry I'll be back with a funny one.

Mr & Mrs. College buddies

Today (the 19th of February 2009) is a day of many firsts for me. Today is the day i dared to take time off work to attend a wedding (if you know me then u'd agree that its low probability). Take time off is an understatement ... i took a whole day off! which wedding ? well 2 of my very very good friends from college got married today.

    2 of my class mates ... of the gang of about a bunch or so, where we had our good and bad times together ... bunked class together, despised some "lecturers" together, studied together, made each other laugh ... so on and so forth. Its not every time you get to be on both the bride and groom's side. Lemme tell you - the feeling is different. You get to tag along any relative of either one of them who's ragging the couple.

   We stayed at the wedding the whole day - until the time when they had to vacate the wedding hall! I also learnt a lot of logic and purpose behind some of the rituals that happen during our weddings - thanks to my friends again. Most of all i like to answer to a question like "neevu heNNin kade na gandin kade na ?" as "ibra kade noo!" We made friends with the bride's dad ... at the end of the day, he proudly told his daughter that he's found his gang! He was sharing some instances from the time he was as old as us ... he's got some interesting stuff to share.

   Well coming to the purpose of this blog: Arpitha and Kumar - the newly weds - i have known them individually and now i know them together - they couldn't get any cuter! 

poornamadah poornamidam

   poornaat poornamudachyate... so goes a Vedic verse which speaks about something that's complete. I have been reciting this verse all my school life without actually bothering to completely understand it. Today Gowri (my friend) brought up this word "poornamidham" in one of our on conversations over the internet. This one word brought out a whole set of thoughts, ideas, expressions out from all 3 of us (me Pavan and Gowri). Next thing you know ... we are trying to find out answers ... to sayings like "history repeats itself" and in what tone/sense its used.

    This might seem gibberish for a third eye ... but for me, I feel one word is all it takes to ignite some real good thoughts in a persons mind. Next thing you know, you are thinking about things that you think is not so important ... but in reality they are. Well am i sounding philosophical - i'd like to blame Gowri for this ... or should i say thank Gowri.

    Coming back to Poornamidham, the Vedic verse when translated (its impossible to correctly do it) means: "something that is complete and when given away, remains complete and the part that is given away also is complete." I believe in learning with an example ;) and so I start searching for a real life or real time example of any thought or concept. Then its struck me - what is still complete even when you give something away ? Knowledge! of course... its knowledge - 

    If you understand something completely then you are knowledgable. You can transfer the same knowledge to someone else ... but your knowledge will still be the same - complete. And the part of your wisdom that u've impressed on someone is still complete - poornamadah poornamidam. So true!

From House to Home

 When is the house you live in called a home ? what defines a home ?

is it the size in terms of sqft ? is it the open spaces ? is it the gardens inside ? or is a home defined by the people that live in ?

  I am so tempted to agree that a home is defined by anything other than the people living in it. Well i like to call a structure which expresses something about the tastes of the people who live in as a home. I'll tell you in detail ... a home for me should have ample natural light coming in ... no noises ... may be the sound of a bird or two ... an open terrace from which i can see more trees ... the sun-rise and at night the starry skies. 

  I should wake up to the sun-light falling directly on my bed ... and to the smell of incense sticks from which i learn that my mother is performing her morning prayers ... and also to the feeble tape recorder which plays a tape of Suprbhatam sung by the great Bharat Ratna M S Subbalakshmi. I wake up to find my mother yelling at me ... about my total lack of timeliness ... and when i come out of my room yawning away to glory ... i can see my dad sitting on the couch reading the newspaper and giving a faint smile at the mother yelling routine. That will be my perfect morning in a perfect home ... in a perfect city.

  Naturally, my quest will be to search for such perfect place to realise that home in my life time. Fortunately for me I don't have to look that far, Bangalore which is the city i live in provides such good places which u may want to call home. I have a job which is the finance ... and i have my determined self ... i have the support of my parents ... i got everything in place to have many perfect mornings like i have described earlier ... or do I ?

  What do u do when the 2 people who are like your eyes can't stand each other ... what do u do when one of your eyes bleeds so much that i cannot be stopped ... what do u do when the whole atmosphere of the "home" is spoilt by that one person whom i am supposed to look up to in bad times ? what do u do when every situation you are in today can be linked to that one person and that person's choices, decisions and behavior ?

  Quite a paradox isn't it ? That is my situation ... today. All that is motivating me to move on in the direction i want to came down crashing. A Happy New Year to me! and for what ? I don't know what i have done to deserve this ... don't know what is the reason behind the chaos that's going on in one person's mind. Why does that person negatively charged so much that everything looks like a conspiracy ... I am not able to lead a social life because of that one person. I think twice to invite anybody to my home ... even my own sister. I think a hundred times before planning any family trips - picnics and vacation. hell ... i even think a zillion times before starting a casual conversation for i am scared the conversation will turn into verbal violence and high decibel levels!

  I made the mistake of partly sharing my situation with some one ... that some one said "Go out of the country for a couple of years ... u'll get a change" some one else said ... "this sticky situation will continue until one of the wicket is down." Well i have made a decision ... i am not abandoning ship. I will do all i can in my power to make my house a home. I don't know if it will even be possible in this life time ... but i can try. I am trying to change the mind which is cancered with god knows what from the past 35 years.

Climax begins ....

Words and music, seem have a lot of power. Eminem says "They say music can alter moods and talk to you" and i completely agree with him. Words can bring about a silence amidst a storm, can shake empires to the ground, and yet not injure or wound a person. Words can give rise to blood bath and paint the town scarlet.

A few days ago i had an oppurtunity to witness the influence of words and music on a chaotic lot of people. This happened in a movie theater in Bangalore where mungaaru Male was showing. How we got tickets is itself a big story !! Finally when we (4 guys and a girl) got into our seats ... it felt like a cricket stadium. People were whistling, hooting and yahooing... i suddenly felt like i was sitting in a Rajni Kanth movie, but i wasn't. I soon found out why. People were applauding and cheering the dialogue delivery of the lead actor.

After a song the movie kicked into gear and i began understanding the plot and the story. Since i went to the movie in its 3rd week, i had much expectations and heard some incidents where people broke down. I thought that happened only in Karan Johar movies... but i was wrong. All was quite until the interval ... soon after the interval, the noises, whistles and the hooting was gone. The mood was intense in the theatre. I was frequently looking at ppl at my left and right to see their eyes red with hint of a tear or two. I tried cracking some timing jokes on the intense emotional drama going on screen. My friends laughed some times...but were soon absorbed completely into the movie. Then about 20 mins past interval my friend sitting next to me said "hey, get ready for some super punching dialogues." I said "hmmm..." and there it was .. the lead actor started speaking and in one breath said some 2-3 dialogues which made tears roll down from the guys' eyes sittin next to me.

The end of the movie saw some more intense and emotional moments where everyone had to be taken aback (yes me too). Ya, all said and done... the question is, how does all the above said distinguish mungaaru male from any rondu hindi (or any language) movie ?? The answer lies after the movie ends. The movie has a nice ending which upholds sacrifice over love. Bingo !! the best part of the 2 odd hours is now. From the seats we all got up .. without uttering a word. The whole theater (400-500ppl) goes dead dumb after the movie ends. Some ppl are still sittin just looking !! Then every one makes way to the parking lot/exit with out uttering a word. One can hear sneezing, one can spot ppl crying .. but none utter a word. This silence can only be found at someone's funeral (probably not even there !!) Now that's effective communication !!

It got me thinking, if a love story is told in a manner that can make a whole lotta people think deeply in silence for brief moments ... how difficult is it to fill a person(s) head with hatred towards another. How difficult is it to fill hatred, disgust into the mind of a person towards a whole lotta ppl ? The hatred filled towards any body is extensible to any level like, hatred towards a family, a city, a country, or perhaps even more !! Some wise man has rightly said "a pen is mightier than a sword" - in a both positive and negative way.

Chaos Rules !!!

"What you do in life echoes in eternity" said a noble man once. But we at Complete Chaos believe that, "what u do on stage, echoes in people's hearts." Hi, we are Complete Chaos, the mad-ads team of PESIT, Bangalore. I think that line explains a lot "Chaos" in this blog :)

Birth of Chaos....... On a fine spring season in 2002, when Bangalore was at its "green" best, and we were a bunch of enthusiastic freshers, Team Chaos suddenly came into existence under the Greenwood tree which stands tall in our very own Open Air Theatre in PESIT. It began as just a thought. A couple of like minded guys ignited a small spark, which is now burning as a passion.

Sneak peek........... Are you wondering what mad-ads is? Well mad-ads is a brief act that is performed with many scenes, aimed at promoting a hypothetical product, using creativity to the fullest. Primary motivation for mad-ads is to achieve the toughest thing possible...."to make people laugh consistently." A typical mad-ads act consists of some 8-10 actors who act according to a background voice. That voice, is of a Narrator who does all the "talkies" part of the mad-ads. All the actors synchronize to accomplish the primary goal, and spectators of a mad-ads event would agree ,that the goal stands accomplished!

The Chaos Studio... PESITians might have seen some behavior behind the music room occasionally. Yup that's us. That's our Den. The Den is where every act we put up is written, practiced and chiseled before it goes on stage. This is where we have maximum fun. A typical Chaos practice session starts very slow and dull like an aircraft on taxiway. But once we get into the mood... its just full throttle all the way.
What inspires us, are all the small events that happen when friends meet. All the sarcastic, cheesy humor that comes up are the inputs to the Black Box of Chaos, and the output is.-a super amplified and modulated version of that small instance. Some very catchy ads in the TV are also used. Spoofs are the thing which keeps a mad-ads act alive. Here's where u can show maximum creativity, and extract laughter out of any given situation. Even significant current affairs are not spared. These are the inputs to the potion of laughter, which indeed delivers.
The practice sessions are more entertaining than the real thing. The various Bloopers that come up leave our tummies aching. We just can't pen those instances, they have to be experienced and not told.

Brothers under the Sun.... From Aatmatrisha '02 till date, the team has treaded various paths. Some rough, and some as smooth as Mysore Road. But at the end of all this, we still found light at the other end of the tunnel. Chaos has given many performances not only in mad-ads but also skits. The most prestigious victory came, in the 6th Annual VTU Youth Festival organized in Davangere. The event was a skit copetition, where a strong message had to be put across. We r proud to say, out of the participating 44 teams from all across Karnataka, Team Chaos bagged the Silver Medal. The same skit also was performed in home ground, @ the OAT in Aatmatrisha'05. For those of u who missed it, it is called "The Race of Life." The race of life addresses the problems faced by young engineers, who go abroad with alacrity. The Race of life was also performed by us in Ranga Shankara, as a platform performance, which opened the critically acclaimed play "Final Rehearsal."
Team Chaos has grown from a few guys under a tree, to a big Community. All thanks to good people like yourself who extended their appreciation and continue to inspire us. Now, team Chaos is no longer just a team, but can be aptly called as "Brotherhood of Chaos." The Chaos-mania continues even after some team members depart, now reloaded with a new lot of "Brothers."

Lastly, we would like to leave u with a statement, which has been the icon of our team.
"Chaos..... is the new Order" - Complete Chaos.

The Brothers of Complete Chaos: (back in 2006)
Praveen Kumar - the babe of the team
Pavan P S - Mr. Flexible
Jinesh J Jain - the JOSH machine
Aksahya Srivatsa - beats any super model with his "cat walk"
Preetham Dalvay - Chaos' spokesperson
Kumar A - silent bomb
Rahul Karmshil - Chaos' very own Salman Khan
Adrit Sanyal - pure muscle
Chetan Kumar - the dark horse
Karun G N - voice of team Chaos (retd)
Saveen Hegde - voice of team Chaos, reloaded

well, now the team has grown from a small bunch to a biig community. One can say about the current Team Chaos as: chaos, supercharged.

a new portal !!

well, i have a disorder of forgetting things (especially usernames and passwords). After creating a zillion blog accounts, i have created yet another one. I intend to stick on to this - how ??
By writing a lot of crap regularly :)